It’s busy at home, hectic, chaotic as well. So it feels. Yes, that’s how it feels for me. My concentration is regularly not fully fit. Let the books for what they are. It doesn’t hold to the end of the school year to pass successfully. OK, not OK!

Structure, and yes also structured. That’s what I’m searching for, that’s me. Making things right. Luctor et emergo, that’s how I’m going to do it. Overcome the disorder. Till homesick overtakes me.

Nostalgia for what?

Life, the distinguished life. My life counts. Also apparently, or is it apparent!

Care for the children and an adult child. Time slips me through my fingers. I don’t get it anymore. I don’t want it; this way! Doubt. Hell, where is the support?

Away from that!

Correspond, yes I correspond my life. The totally difference, the strange, the hope, the expectation, the security.

I’m baffling. Everyone, and above all myself. I drift further and further away. Away from the longed life. My distinguished life, further and further away.

We do not see each other anymore.

Longing life is spinning, it defies me. A staggering vortex. It takes me to my ears, it takes hold of my head. I shake with both hands, as hard as I can.

My head in the wind, unruly, becoming unmanageable.

It is hectic, chaotic as well.

So it is.